Chapter 18: I hope he finds me.
Chapter 17: Who’s there?
(The scene opens in Honeydukes, a very strange and wonderful store, clearly designed to wow the audience. Harry is the Invisible Man and therefore is abusing his powers with all of his might.)
Harry: Hey Neville, lollypops are bad for you. *snags*
Neville: *looks confused* Man, even ghosts are out to make me look idiotic in these movies! *shuffles away dejectedly*
(Harry wanders out into the street. The audience is left to wonder why the snow isn’t landing on him, and more importantly: why does nobody notice a floating lollypop?!? Anyhow, we join Hermione and Ron cautiously flirting at the Shrieking Shack.)
R/Hr shippers: Awwww!!! *squishy feeling*
Malfoy: Hey guys, I guess I’ll come and ruin the moment!
R/Hr shippers: Grrr!!!
Malfoy: You two shopping for your dream home?
Ron: What if we are?
(They swap ineffectual insults, then a snowball flies out of nowhere and smacks Malfoy.)
Malfoy: Bzuh? (turns to watch a second snowball come flying towards him) Hey, would you look at that… *splat*
Audience members: Harry got aim!
(Harry demonstrates his crazy speedy Quidditch abilities by moving around very fast. The audience is left to wonder where the heck Goyle is, and why Malfoy appears to be hanging out with Piers Polkiss. After a minute or two of slapstick humor, Malfoy wimps out and runs away. Steve Kloves demonstrates how much he loves Hermione yet again by having her be the one to figure out it’s Harry. Woo-hoo, Hermione. Woo-hoo.)
Chapter 18: I hope he finds me.
(Harry and his posse are strolling through Hogsmeade, too good for disguises. ‘Cause, you know, it’s not like they’ll be in trouble if Harry’s caught there or anything. Right? Anyhow, they see Hagrid, the Minister, and McGonagall in a sleigh, Madame Rosmerta waiting outside to meet them. Cornelius Fudge is intimidated by a barmaid. There is no hope for the wizarding world.)
(Visible!Harry is in earshot of McGonagall, but she doesn’t recognize him, conveniently. The people passing in the streets are dressed as though they’re poor and from the 1700’s. And this is from the director that has the students dressing like they’re from the 90’s? Continuity, my good people, continuity.)
Fudge: *whispers* Rosmerta… We need a private place to reveal important plot points and talk about Harry Potter.
Rosmerta: HARRY POTTER? YOU MEAN THE BOY WITH THE BLACK HAIR AND GREEN EYES AND DEAD PARENTS? THE BOY WHO LIVED? THE ONE WHO SEEMS SIMILAR TO THAT BOY OVER THERE? YOU MEAN THAT ONE?
(Ron and Hermione seem rather surprised to find Harry gone, making all-too conspicuous footprints in the snow.)
Shrunken heads: Hey, mon, you can’t come in here.
Politically correct people: Hooray for demographic representation!
(In their private room, the four of them discuss Harry Potter. ‘Cause, you know, that’s what all Harry Potter characters do in their spare time, as is evidenced in the scene from the Chamber of Secrets where they spy on Malfoy… But I digress.)
McGonagall: Blah blah blah…. Harry Potter…
Fudge: *looks around* Um… do you guys hear breathing?
(Everybody ignores him.)
Fudge: It sounds like Darth Vader or something…
(Fudge forgets about it and listens into this amazing piece of convenient unveiling of some more of Harry’s past. Harry, naturally, gets angry and storms off, bashing through everybody while he plods along. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d be running away at this point, not walking along, but I guess they couldn’t make the footprints appear that fast. Ron and Hermione follow. Hermione reaches out for the invisibility cloak.)
Harry: OW! MY EYE!
Hermione: I’m sorry! What’s wrong, Harry?
Harry: ASIDE FROM YOU PUTTING MY EYE OUT? EVERYTHING! NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME I’M GOING TO BE EXERCISING MY USE OF THE CAPSLOCKS OF RAGE IN PREPARATION FOR THE FIFTH BOOK! *suffers a coughing fit from abusing his voice and falls silent*
Ron: …You okay now?
Harry: *rasps* …No! Leave me alone! I’m angsting with my twitchy lips!