Chapter 14: Substitute Teacher
*gate closes ominously*
Dumbledore: All right! Now I can rape all my b****es with my sexy pimp powers!
Filch: All right! Now I can rape Mrs. Norris!
Mrs. Norris: *runs*
Dementors: *Insert Darth Vader breathing here*
Filch: Damn. Black isn’t anywhere.
Dumbledore: Like I expected.
Snape: May I talk to you for a second?
Dumbledore: What the hell, sure.
Filch: I’m tired of raping cats. Now I’m going to rape sleeping girls.
Dwarf: Am I supposed to be Prof. Flitwick?
Snape: Do you have any theories on how Black got in the castle?
Dumbledore: No. I’m on crack.
Snape: Remember our discussion at the beginning of the year, Dumbledore?
Dumbledore: Yes, yes, I’ll pay you for your bit**es by the end of the year, Severus.
Snape: Thank you, but I meant our other conversation.
Dumbledore: Ah. Yeah, well, shut up about it already.
Snape: I have to feign concern for the boy, so I’ll ask whether we should tell the boy about Sirius killing his parents.
Dumbledore: You feign concern well, Severus. But no. Dreams are important…
Inner Snape: YES! The ecstasy I mixed in with his crack worked!