Chapter 9: Reading Tea Leaves
Bird: OOOOHHH! Evil moving tree! Must…resist…NO! Must fly into evil moving tree!
Whomping Willow: Pretty bird! Must…poke…
Whomping Willow: *sigh*
Prof. Trelawney: HAHA! I’ve got it! Maybe if I talk mystically, you will ignore how ugly I look! You will SEE!
Table with teapot: Ouch, you old bat. That hurt.
Trelawney: YOU WILL SEE! Even though I cannot see two feet in front of me, YOU WILL SEE! Now, drink each other’s tea, ignoring the backwash. Oh? You’ve all already drank your tea? Well, then, you all have detentions. HAHA, take that, suckers! Actually, you will now be disgusted by the remains of your partner’s tea. You, random fat boy, how’s your grandmother whom I know absolutely nothing about?
Neville: Ahm, she’s a batty old witch who is an idiot with bad fashion sense. Other than that she’s fine, though.
Trelawney: Give me your tea. *sees a picture of his grandmother in the cup* Holy sh**!!
Nevile: Oh my god, that must mean something!!
Hermione: Yeah, his grandmother is a bi***.
Ron: Bloody hell, how’d you randomly appear?
Hermione: Yeah, Ron, I was under the table admiring Harry’s charms.
Harry: That ain’t canon…
Hermione: Yeah, well, what is?
Harmony shippers: WOOHOO! A CRITIC WHO LIKES HARRY/HERMIONE!!!! YEAH!
Trelawney: All right red-haired boy, your aura is pulsing. Are you on crack like me?
Ron: Sure, I like me some crack every once in a while.
Trelawney: YES! I mean, what do you see?
Ron: Harry, you’re going to suffer, but you’re gonna be happy. I’m on crack after all.
Trelawney: Give me the damn cup. *freaks out* Holy sh**, there’s a dog in your cup. Let’s call it the Grim and be done with it..
Seamus: Hey, I’m here too. What the bloody hell is the grin?
Fat black kid whom we’ve never heard of before: The Grim, you idiot. It means you’re gonna die.
Harry: *looks in cup* How the hell did this look like a cross and a sun?