Crystal (cristiline) wrote in sporkhpmovie,

Chapter 22: Witnesses to an Execution

Chapter 22: Witnesses to an Execution!

Chapter 22: Witnesses to an Execution

By Brad

Executioner: I know schools aren’t allowed to have weapons so don’t tell Dumbledore I have it, all right? Or my pet ravens.

Trio: *stares and walks away*

Hermione: Oh God I hate hippogriffs, but for the sake of the movie I’ll act like I care. Besides, the fun part’s coming.

Ron: No, here it is.

Malfoy: Come to see the show? Excellent, I have customers! Crabbe, Goyle, sell these fine young people some popcorn.

Hermione: Ah shut up, because I have anger management issues.

Malfoy: Maybe if I act scared she won’t hex me, even if it is painfully obvious I’m not.

Ron: Hermione, don’t hex him, because he looks truly scared.

Herrmione: Idiot. *lowers wand*

Malfoy: HA! For once I agree with the Mudblood. You are an idiot, Weasly.

Hermione: But I still have anger management issues! *punch*

Malfoy: Even though it never made contact and is obvious I’ll still wince and act like a girl!

Audience: That wasn’t canon!

Alfonso: Haven’t you been paying attention? I’m never canon.

Hermione: Finally, my anger management issues are cured!

Hagrid: Wow, I’m a freakin idiot when it comes to large beasts.

Harry: Ah, but I’m always an idiot.

Hagrid: True. By the way, Dumbledore wants to be here when they rape him and then kill him at the climax.

Harry: That wasn’t in the script.

Hagrid: No, but it does say that he wants to be here when it happens and that’s what’s happening in the more perverted minds out there.

Harry: Like mine.

Hagrid: Exactly like yours.

Hernione: We want to see him being raped, we want to see him being raped!

Hagrid: You won’t do that because this movie has to stay PG.

Hermione: Damn.

Hsgrid: Oh, yeah, Ron, I found your rat.

Ron: Ah.

Hermione: Apologize to me!

Ron: Like hell I will.

Hermione: Do it or I’ll need anger management again!

Random stone from nowhere: OOH, a pot of something that looks like crack. MUST SNIFF! *breaks pot*

Hagrid: What the bloody hell was that breaking my pot of crack?

Harry: Dunno.

2nd random stone from nowhere: OOH, a head! Let’s hit it and see what noise it makes!

Harry: Ow!

Stone: Yup, hollow. Like the director’s.

Hagrid: Holy sh**. They’re here.

Harry: I still have time to be noble.

Hagrid: Get the hell out of here.

Trio: *runs behind pumpkins*

Hermione: Either I’m on crack or there’s someone behind us.

Harry: Think for a second. When was the last time you smoked?

Hermione: About half an hour ago. That’s it then. Let’s go.

Director: Let’s entertain the audience with a pointless running scene!

Trio *watch ax*

Ax: YAY! Chopping’s fun! *fall*

Trio: *cry*

Ron/Hermione/Harry shippers: See, this is why we ship what we do.
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