Chapter 22: Witnesses to an Execution
Executioner: I know schools aren’t allowed to have weapons so don’t tell Dumbledore I have it, all right? Or my pet ravens.
Trio: *stares and walks away*
Hermione: Oh God I hate hippogriffs, but for the sake of the movie I’ll act like I care. Besides, the fun part’s coming.
Ron: No, here it is.
Malfoy: Come to see the show? Excellent, I have customers! Crabbe, Goyle, sell these fine young people some popcorn.
Hermione: Ah shut up, because I have anger management issues.
Malfoy: Maybe if I act scared she won’t hex me, even if it is painfully obvious I’m not.
Ron: Hermione, don’t hex him, because he looks truly scared.
Herrmione: Idiot. *lowers wand*
Malfoy: HA! For once I agree with the Mudblood. You are an idiot, Weasly.
Hermione: But I still have anger management issues! *punch*
Malfoy: Even though it never made contact and is obvious I’ll still wince and act like a girl!
Audience: That wasn’t canon!
Alfonso: Haven’t you been paying attention? I’m never canon.
Hermione: Finally, my anger management issues are cured!
Hagrid: Wow, I’m a freakin idiot when it comes to large beasts.
Harry: Ah, but I’m always an idiot.
Hagrid: True. By the way, Dumbledore wants to be here when they rape him and then kill him at the climax.
Harry: That wasn’t in the script.
Hagrid: No, but it does say that he wants to be here when it happens and that’s what’s happening in the more perverted minds out there.
Harry: Like mine.
Hagrid: Exactly like yours.
Hernione: We want to see him being raped, we want to see him being raped!
Hagrid: You won’t do that because this movie has to stay PG.
Hsgrid: Oh, yeah, Ron, I found your rat.
Hermione: Apologize to me!
Ron: Like hell I will.
Hermione: Do it or I’ll need anger management again!
Random stone from nowhere: OOH, a pot of something that looks like crack. MUST SNIFF! *breaks pot*
Hagrid: What the bloody hell was that breaking my pot of crack?
2nd random stone from nowhere: OOH, a head! Let’s hit it and see what noise it makes!
Stone: Yup, hollow. Like the director’s.
Hagrid: Holy sh**. They’re here.
Harry: I still have time to be noble.
Hagrid: Get the hell out of here.
Trio: *runs behind pumpkins*
Hermione: Either I’m on crack or there’s someone behind us.
Harry: Think for a second. When was the last time you smoked?
Hermione: About half an hour ago. That’s it then. Let’s go.
Director: Let’s entertain the audience with a pointless running scene!
Trio *watch ax*
Ax: YAY! Chopping’s fun! *fall*
Ron/Hermione/Harry shippers: See, this is why we ship what we do.