Chapter 13: Flight of the Fat Lady
Ron: *goes crazy about shops*
Harry: I didn’t know you were such a girl.
Ron: You know what, that insulted me, so I’m gonna insult Neville because I didn’t realize he was right behind me even thought that's practically impossible.
Neville: F*** you.
Percy: I need to have a line, I need to have a line!
Alfonso: Meh, what the hell.
Percy: YAY! I GET A LINE! Now move out of the way bi***es, I’m important now!
Ginny: I want a line too!
Ginny: YAY! Oh no, this was horribly unpredictable! The Fat Lady’s gone!
Ron: Good riddance.
Hermione: Oh, please, be a bit nicer.
Inner Hermione: Ron’s right, that bi*** was a horrible singer.
Hermione: Besides, now we can’t get into the common room.
Ron and Harry: IT’S CAPTAIN OBVIOUS TO THE RESCUE!
Inner Paintings: Someone shut that baby up!
Dumbledore: I’m a pimp so let me through.
Filch: And I’m an ugly old turd who’s drunk and thinks he’s a sex god. Stan Shunpike was my mentor. Let me through too or I’ll have you dragged to the dungeons by your ears where I will be waiting with a cactus and a croquet mallet. Oh, and if you’re female I’ll rape you.
Dumbledore: Find the Fat Lady with ghosts, Mr. Filch. Oh yeah, the Ghostbusters were here over the summer and we don’t have any except for that damn horse rider. That blows. AND SOMEONE SHUT THAT DAMN BABY UP!!!
Filch: Ghosts are useless. My drunken powers can see a hundred Fat Ladies. They’re my fetish. But the one you’re looking for is over there.
Crowd of kids: Gasp. *stampede*
Percy: Oh s***. *dies in stampede*
Fat Lady: Leave me alone! Sirius Black just broke up with me and slashed me with a knife, so I’m raping this hippo.
Harry: This I want to see.